The Longer Version

I was raised my one emotionally unavailable, narcissistic parent, while I was sexually abused by the other. I also experienced sexual violence as a child by several family friends. By age 10, I had developed severe digestive issues and had no self-belief at all. I was alone with my pain, trauma, and depression.

By age 15 I was smoking, using drugs, cutting/burning myself, and misusing my anti-depressant medication. I felt so sick in my tummy all the time, then I started having panic attacks all night. Somehow, I still got myself to school. Then, I discovered alcohol. I would drink until I blacked out. I was medically date-raped 3 times and I slept around alot. I drank and smoked as much as I could until my body physically stopped me. I was 24 when I quit and I started going to therapy and meditation class. I have been sober since then.

Despite practicing meditation and doing regular therapy, my nervous system was a wreck, and my digestive symptoms were causing me a great deal of pain and distress. No matter how much I visualised myself as vibrant and healthy, I just wasn’t. Spiritual practices and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helped me recover from anxiety, but I was still in a chronic state is dysregulation.

Then, I got sick, and I didn’t recover... my illness with Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV aka Glandular Fever/Mono) went on for 12 months. After the symptoms calmed down, I was left with post-viral chronic fatigue that I battled for nearly 5 years. Believe me when I say that I tried EVERYTHING I could to recover. My inner self-helper worked hard to find a solution trying cleanses, reading books, attended training, doing vitamin infusions, and spending thousands on supplements and therapy. And none of it worked until I actually started healing my brain and nervous system.

My illness gave me the gift of time and perspective. I reassessed everything and decided to slowly study to become a psychologist while living with fatigue. In 2023, I recovered from my gut issues and from CFS/ME.
I consider myself hugely privileged and recognise that recovery from chronic illness is not always possible.

I am still failing and struggling… and learning and growing. I am not perfect. I will forever be a work in progress. I believe that wellbeing, and the human experience in general is not something you can master. There is always more to learn, and always a new struggle to face.

Let’s face it, the world is a constant source of stress, and that’s putting it lightly. The systems that we operate in are not built for prioritise your wellbeing. There are genuine threats to our safety all around us: war, power-hungry leaders, attacks on vulnerable populations, and financial crises. Anyone who is able to find a way to take ANY actions to improve their lives in the current-state of the world, is an absolute hero. If you’re here, that’s you.

Showing up in your own life takes courage, infinite strength, and a willingness to do hard things over and over. It’s tough, but it’s worth it.