When you can't run from the healing process, you must surrender to it
I walked through the door hoping to learn a bit about myself and connect with other women, but I ended up crying uncontrollably lying face down on the floor....
I recently went to a workshop about honouring and working with your menstrual cycle run by the incredible Nadine from Tantric Alchemy. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but I was hoping to walk away feeling more positively about my cycle and my period, which has always been very painful.
Well, I got what I was expecting and a whole lot more. In the afternoon we did a guided meditation which then morphed into exploring the concept of body movement and vocalising sounds to release energy and transmute emotions. I surrendered to the experience which had us intuitively moving, dancing and releasing any sounds that wanted to be expressed. At first I was nervous, but then I just went deeper and deeper into the process.
All of a sudden I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I tried, but they kept pouring out of me. It felt so good to cry, to release, but I kept hoping that it would be over quickly. I caught myself wishing that the activity would end, hoping that no-one would notice the tears streaming down my face, and trying to cry more quietly, but the activity continued on and on. I've cried on the healer's table and during meditation hundreds of times, but that was more private, more safe. I felt so scared to express my sadness in this way, but I knew that I wasn't doing myself any favours by holding back.
I reached the point where I just collapsed onto the floor and started bawling heavily. I didn't have the energy to worry about whether or not anyone was noticing me anymore. My body obviously needed to release SOMETHING, to I simply got out of the way and let it out. I screamed, I growled, I cried until my face was wet all over with tears.
Upon reflection, I couldn't pinpoint exactly what triggered my emotional release, or even what it was related to. All I knew was that I felt lighter, that I had honoured my own needs and had proven to myself that there's no need to be afraid of being vulnerable, no matter who's there with you. The timing was perfect really.
Nothing bad happened. No-one judged me or thought less of me for crying publically either. In fact, one woman got me a tissue and told me that she had done the same thing in her yoga class last week. Maybe being vulnerable in this way will let others know that it's safe for them to do the same.
I'm still not 100% sure what the source of that sadness was or why I had to release it there and then, but I'm obviously not meant to worry about it. All that matters is that I allowed myself to let go in the moment, honour my truth and trust the healing process flowing through me.
How do you process energy?